where I'm calling from

It's been far too long since we checked in with my home town police blotter. I still have not decided if I am going home for Thanksgiving this year or not. The Local Color may sway my decision…

12:23 a.m., Mi-Wuk Village — Someone reported that his neighbors defecated on his car and threw toilet paper on it. He requested extra patrol in the area. The alleged incident took place near Wakalu Trail.

4:44 a.m., suspicious circumstances — A woman said she left the bar with someone, and woke up naked in a motel shower and did not remember how she got there on the 300 block of South Washington Street.

7:45 a.m., Sonora — A woman reported she thinks someone is slowly poisoning her. She thinks this has happened nine times. She suspects someone hired by her husband is doing this. She told the Sheriff’s Office that she gets a strange taste in her mouth and her hands start shaking upon entering her car.

7:52 a.m., suspicious circumstances — A man said a steak house on the 1100 block of Mono Way used to be an “open air wrestling arena” in the 1960s.

9:24 a.m., Valley Springs — A caller thought there was something suspicious about “multiple cars for sale in a residential lot” near Chestnut and California streets.

11:04 a.m., Groveland — A “hobo” was reportedly wearing his underwear on the outside of his clothes on the 19100 block of Highway 120.

4:45 p.m., Sonora — A woman reported a sick deer was at her front door foaming at the mouth.

5:33 p.m., San Andreas — An explosion took place on private property on the 5200 block of Highway 49.

6:31 p.m., suspicious circumstances — A caller on Snell Street said a man told him he was going to kill his wife and “chew her skin.”

9:58 p.m. Sonora area — A deputy lectured a man and woman about having sexual intercourse in the man’s vehicle on the 20000 block of Highway 108.

OK, I think that solves it. I am staying in Seattle for the holidays!